Having gratefully moved on from the theme of Foreign Legion, I walked into Mr. X's office and picked a second theme from the mystical Hat of Themes(!). I handed Mr. X the little slip of paper and he was waaaay too excited about the result. I don't know why he reacted this way, but I'm glad he was thrilled to see that this month's theme is: Blind People.
If you check Wikipedia, there's a whole lot of information on "blindness". When I say "whole lot of information" I mean "more information than I feel like combing through on a Wednesday night when I could be reading A Storm of Swords, the third book of the Song of Ice & Fire series." I realize that this is an awfully long sentiment to have meant considering the brevity of the prior quoted sentiment, but that's the set up of the joke, stupid. Besides, who cares about facts or research?
In truth, I did look through the research a little bit. And holy shit, was that depressing! I don't recommend researching blindness. The causes are varied, but the most common is cataracts. Which are themselves caused by a host of factors. The terrible part is that cataracts are often caused by simple bacterial infections or treatable diseases, but the majority of the world goes largely untreated for these diseases and infections due to the cost of medical care. Yep, that's right, the number one reason that people go blind in the world is because they can't afford to NOT be blind.
As most people know, there are degrees of blindness. Legal blindness, partial blindness, color blindness (though I don't think that counts for the theme) and of course Hysterical Blindness, which is a condition wherein every woman you meet is both incredibly attractive and simultaneously odd-looking, like Juliette Lewis and Uma Thurman.
There are many ways to adapt to blindness, such as walking sticks and seeing-eye dogs. I find seeing-eye dogs fascinating. I love dogs, but the idea of trusting my health and well-being to an animal that hides from thunder doesn't instill much confidence. To be fair, thunder is scary. I've also always thought it would be interesting to see what other animals might serve this purpose. A seeing-eye lemur? Or how about a seeing-eye fish that you have to drag along with you in an IV bag? I know that wouldn't help at all, but the image of a goldfish in an IV bag strapped to a blind guy wandering into an intersection is just too goddam funny for me to let go. But seriously, guide dogs are really fascinating. The other fascinating common adaptation to blindness is tactile adaptation. These are things like Braille books and refreshable Braille computer displays. That's really neat! ...... Yep, all I have to say about that is "really neat".
So. We got any famous blind people? Yes, yes we do. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the majority of blind people of note are musicians. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder spring immediately to mind, and there are several blues musicians listed as well. Jeff Healey, perhaps best known for his enormous role in the Swayze classic Road House, had his eyes removed due to cancer when he was 8 months old! One of the more interesting famous blind people is Dana Elcar, who played Peter Thornton on McGuyver. I thought I remembered a character going blind, but as a kid I figured it was part of the show. Turns out I was wrong! Apparently Elcar was going blind in real life and everyone decided it would be best to just make it part of the show. Elcar retired from acting in a stage performance of Waiting for Godot, which I have to believe is made more interesting when one of the guys is blind.
Sometimes people ask those "would you rather" questions, and a common question is "Would you rather be blind or deaf?" Personally, I would rather be deaf. Blindness would be a problem for me moreso than deafness because so much of what I enjoy in life is visual. Obviously film would be much harder to appreciate. A story is a story is a story and I'll never be so beholden to the image that I'll disregard the power of narrative, but one of the reasons film is my storytelling vehicle of choice is the visceral effect that visual storytelling has on people. You can tell me a child is crying, and I can hear the child's sobs, but to see the face of misery on that kid is what moves me most. I'm also quite fond of beautiful women. If I ever became rich and/or powerful, the easiest way to ensure my downfall would be a pretty face. I've been an idiot and made an utter ass of myself for the sake of a beautiful woman on at least a dozen occasions. So I guess being blind would help me in a way. Still, it's a weakness I enjoy, so screw that.
I guess that's all I have to say about Blind People. Tune in later this week for my first Blind People review: the 1967 suspense film Wait Until Dark. It stars Audrey Hepburn and Alan Arkin, which is exciting. And the back of the DVD case has me thinking that this might be one of those awesome slow-burn horror gems that I've just managed to overlook.*
*I almost published this blog post without realizing that I'd made a pun here. Yes, that's right, sometimes my wordplay is completely unintentional and I'm not nearly as clever as I'd have you believe.
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