Hey all. In case you missed my last post (and you likely did since I didn't link to it on my Facebook account, which is where most of you come from), this week's Foreign Legion movie is the DTV* Jean-Claude Van Damme movie Legionnaire!
*Dedicated To Violence
When I received the DVD from Mr. X, my first thought was, "Oh no. Really? Van Damme?" Don't get me wrong: when I was younger I loved Van Damme and I still have a soft spot for such early Van Dammage as Bloodsport (You! Are NEXT!), Lionheart (the match-ending single punch to the balls is HILARIOUS), Death Warrant (You can't kill me, Burke. I'm the Sandman!), et al. But Van Damme's later career, post-Universal Soldier, is pretty sad. It was only the recent, highly-meta JCVD that reminded me of Van Damme's latent talent. Well, I'm pleasantly surprised for a second week in a row as Legionnaire gives the Muscles from Brussels a chance to stretch his acting... um... muscles... and for the most part the man proves himself an actor worth watching. More on that in a moment.
My second thought on receiving the DVD was, "Hey, Mr. Ecko is in this! Maybe it won't be so bad!" And then I remembered that Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (to whom I will refer for the rest of this review as Mr. Ecko for obvious reasons) has done nothing else of note besides Lost. Well, I guess Oz, but since I haven't watched that show it doesn't count. Besides, most actors' body of work pales before Lost. And I have a Lost bias.
... Lost. (POOM)
Anyway, having now watched Legionnaire, I have to say I'm impressed. I actually would recommend this movie to people, particularly open-minded cinephiles as there's a nifty old-fashioned, 1950s/1960s feel to it. This is a result of a few factors: the story is set in the past, Van Damme has the look and manner of an old-school tough-guy actor, the Foreign Legion as a story setting feels anachronistic despite still existing, and the cinematography has a certain 50s/60s grainy Technicolor look to it. There are moments in the film where, if you didn't know any better, you might mistake it for a Lawrence of Arabia cash-in. Considering it's a Van Damme DTV from 1998, the cash-in comment is actually high praise. Is it perfect? No. But it's far, far better than you might expect. I might even go so far as to say it's one of the best DTV movies I've seen.
The bare bones of the plot are this: Van Damme is Alain, a poor 1920s French boxer who left his fiancee Katrina at the altar years ago. Katrina's current boyfriend, the abusive gambling "fixer" Lucienne, arranges for Alain to lose a fixed fight and cash in so that Alain and his brother can stop hustling. Alain, of course, bets on himself so that he can take Katrina away to America. Alain wins the fight, and in the ensuing chase Lucienne kills Alain's brother and Alain kills Lucienne's brother. Desperate to escape Lucienne and mourning his brother, Alain enters the Foreign Legion. In the Legion Alain meets his sidekicks: Italian comic relief Guido, American racism-escaping Luther, and British career-soldier Mackintosh. The Legionnaires are trained up and prepared for a defense of an Arab-besieged French fort. French newsmen take pictures of the soldiers, revealing Alain's whereabouts to Lucienne. Lucienne sends two of his goons to the Legion to find Alain and bring him back to France for retribution. Upon arrival at the fort, Alain discovers that Lucienne's goons have found him and are now in his unit! The Legionnaires are attacked multiple times, leading to several significant deaths. In the end, everyone pulls together to defend the fort despite personal differences. I won't give away the ending, but Van Damme co-produced the movie and received a Story By co-credit, so there's a pretty good chance that Alain, at least, survives.
The strength of this movie is, like Beau Geste, the very likeable characters. Van Damme's Alain is a champion of the underdog, a tough guy who stands up for the bullied. From the moment we see him, we know that Guido (really, you couldn't think of a better Italian name?) is going to get his ass handed to him on multiple occasions. But because he's friendly and shares Alain's abiding love for a far-off woman, Alain stands up for the poor comic relief. When Mr. Ecko's Luther takes guff for being black from a German (surely a proto-Nazi), again Alain is there to offer a helping hand. Or fist and foot as the case may be. The great thing is that this isn't an early Van Damme tough guy full of youthful vigor and cockiness. This is older, wiser Van Damme, whose attitude and look tell the viewer, "I've had my share of violence for stupid reasons. This is the RIGHT reason." Like Beau Geste, Legionnaire is peppered with scenes of the four principal "heroes" goofing around and developing their bond. It's funny and touching stuff, particularly if you're a guy's guy or you have brothers. I found myself really rooting for these guys, knowing full well (rules of drama AND knowledge of Legion history) that most if not all of them would bite the dust at some point.
This reminds me of one of the hilarious anachronistic struggles of this movie. The movie may "feel" like a 50s/60s adventure epic, but it contains one of the worst cliche's of modern action-movie cinema. Several characters in moments of pre-attack preparation hand Van Damme a treasured personal item or ask Van Damme to do them a favor if they don't "make it". Of course Van Damme takes the item/request but assures them, "You'll make it." And of course they don't. By the third time this happens I laughed my ass off. Look, we all know that if you hand the hero a treasured personal item or make a last-minute request, you're pretty much signing your own suicide note. Please, for the love of Riggs and Murtaugh, could future action/adventure writers keep this in mind? And as long as I'm bitching, what was the deal with Guido? He's a comic relief character, I get it. But he's pretty much an unrepentent load the entire time. Writers, if you're going to saddle your heroes with a comic relief, give him something to do besides provide humor. Realistically speaking, there's no reason for these guys to have gone out of their way to support Guido. At one point Alain even carries the load on his back while trekking across the desert! Why? I want my hero to care about his friends, but his friends should be worth the effort.
For the most part the dialogue is organic and conversational, though a couple of big expository stinkers stand out. I particularly enjoyed a scene where the guys are washing laundry and they each try to convince Alain that their method is the best. It's a well-written, fun scene that does a great job establishing the rapport. Counter this with the first time Guido meets Alain and bizarrely breaks into a monologe of backstory: a disgusting wad of exposition that just lies there on the screen. Thankfully Guido is the only one who suffers this and for a DTV adventure movie there was far less exposition than I expected. OH! I also want to point out this hilarious line. A character turns on Alain at some point in the movie but is interrupted by an Arab attack. During the subsequent attack on the fort, this traitor character warns everyone, "Don't underestimate them (the Arabs)." To which Alain replies, "Or anyone else." Van Damme takes some credit for the delivery of this line, but I laughed hard at this ridiculously passive-aggressive moment.
That last line may have been partly Van Damme's fault in delivery, but it's a rare misfire in an otherwise shockingly FANTASTIC performance. Van Damme has this great stillness when listening to other characters that makes every exchange feel genuine, like he's really listening. It's the vital difference between an actor watching another actor for their cue and an actor really taking in his/her partner. I was taken aback, actually, by how convincing Van Damme was with these moments. I really wish he would do more French-language films because some of the struggle with his acting is clearly centered on getting the English correct. He does deliver some clunker lines in this, but when he's quiet? The man can act the shit out of a scene. Witness a scene in the third act when a trusted friend is captured and dragged behind an Arab horseman. Alain knows that the merciful thing to do is sniper shoot his friend before the Arabs descend on him with swords and maul him to death. The turmoil in Van Damme's face as he struggles to line up the shot and kill his friend is incredibly moving. And in the aftermath of the pulled trigger, you watch Van Damme fight back tears, assure himself that it was the right thing to do, and gather his wits to continue the fight. I'm telling you, the guy can act. Some critics have accused him of being wooden, and maybe he wasn't that responsive as a young actor, but it would be unfairly narrow-minded and prejudicial to accuse him of that same fault here.
Structurally, Legionnaire suffers some of the same problems as Beau Geste. There's a distinct lack of cohesion between the first and second acts, with the third act bringing in tension established in the first act that largely goes missing in the second. I feel like maybe this is an issue with Foreign Legion films in general: you have to establish in the first act the event that caused the protagonist's flight, then you have to establish them in the Legion, then the first act event catches up to them in the third. This leaves the second act feeling awfully loose. Like Beau Geste, there is a strange shifting of antagonists from act to act, with the officers serving as villain in early Act II and then the rather generic "Arab horde" serving as villain in late Act II. It just feels strange. It's particularly strange in my opinion because of how little the first act events seem to matter in the long run. In Legionnaire we're given this story about Katrina and Alain and how he left her at the altar, but they never clearly explain why he did so. There's some tension in the third act when Lucienne's goons are trying to kidnap Alain from the Legion and return him to France but this plot point seems ridiculous in the extreme. It seems to me that these movies share an unnecessary preoccupation with the protagonist's prior life. Just get them to the Legion, for crying out loud. We want *some* backstory, but an entire first act?
Like the last review, here are some random thoughts I had during the movie:
- Oof. The opening exposition crawl is full of inaccuracies about the Legion. Damn it, dramatic license!
- So I guess 1920s France is just Moulin Rouge hookers and the Infernal Galop? (Note: I had to look up the name of the song.)
- Hooray, French accents! Lots of French accents!
- Van Damme enters the film with a boxing groupie on each arm. I guess if I had a co-Story By credit I'd give myeslf groupies, too.
- Maxim, the brother, is hilariously craven. Also, he looks like H. Jon Benjamin, which is weird.
- Lucienne doesn't want women at the table when he talks business. I guess he's in the Top Gun Volleyball Tournament business.
- Flashback to Alain and Katrina first meeting is bad for Van Damme. He does NOT do boyishly earnest well. Too French maybe?
- Ref in boxing match says, "Come out fighting, no dirty tricks." AKA: "Pull all the dirty tricks you can, Villainous Boxer."
- Oof. The Sargeant is telling them about the Arabs while the camera backs up behind him and you can tell from his jaw movements that the dubbing is WAAAAY off.
- Sargeant's line to Van Damme, "Do you comprehend my words? I can see that you don't. There is a fog in your eyes in which you can see only your own arrogance." Am I crazy or is this a wink at the audience about Van Damme?
- Awesome cheesecake man-ass shots in the "showered with a hose" scene! hahahaha! If you like Van Damme's butt or are curious about Mr. Ecko's hinder, here's your chance.
- Mr. Ecko's story about escaping racism in America by traveling to Africa with the Legion is really intriguing.
- The marching songs in this movie match up with what I've read about the Legion. Someone did research on this thing. Nice change from Beau Geste.
- Lucienne is the stupidest criminal mind ever. Seriously, your plan was to kidnap a Legionnaire from his unit and somehow get him back to France? Dude, runaway Legionnaires couldn't pull that off.
- The guys get hard labor for insubordination. What insubordination? I think the script was missing a few pages.
Crazy. I had more to say about Legionnaire than I did about Beau Geste. I think this is because Legionnaire surprised me far more and I really wanted to make a case for it. There are weak moments and not everything comes together the way it should, but overall this is a solid film that probably should've been given a theatrical run. You owe it to yourself to see this if you've ever been a Fan Damme, if you're interested in the history of the Foreign Legion, or if you generally enjoy adventure films. And I think old-school cinephiles would appreciate the look and feel of the film, too.
See you all next week!
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