HOLY SHIT, THE CLICHES HAVE INVADED MY BLOG!!!!!!
At this point I'm sure someone has a snide remark about the fact that I sometimes speak or write in cliches myself. Please do let me know in the comments. (Okay, so I really just want comments on my blog. Sue me.)
Anyway, Connie & Carla isn't an inherently bad movie. It has some fun moments and if you're in the mood for a gal-pal comedy you could do worse. But it's spectacularly UNspectacular, which is a shame considering the talent on tap.
Here's the plot rundown (my own this time, as none of the websites I usually go to for these is terribly informative):
Connie and Carla (Nia Vardalos and Toni Collette) are two waitresses who have long dreamed of being a dinner-theater showtunes act. Since their childhood together they've performed odd quick-change stage shows for tiny audiences. In Chicago, the girls accidentally witness a mobster-related shooting and go on the lam to protect themselves. They end up in Los Angeles (the joke being that L.A. "has no culture" and thus would be the last place mobsters would try to find the two theatre-loving gals). After a failed couple of stereotypical L.A. jobs, Connie and Carla stumble upon a drag bar run by Ian Gomez (of "Drew Carey Show" and "Norm" fame). Gomez is looking to add a new act to the current dismal run of drag performers, so Connie and Carla dress up as men in drag and perform live. Which is a big hit as most drag queens perform lip sync. Connie and Carla then must maintain their secret identities as real women while also trying to make it big without getting caught by the mob. AND Connie develops a crush on fellow drag queen Robert's estranged brother Jeff (David Duchovny), further complicating things and potentially exposing their identities. The show gets bigger, Jeff tries to accept brother Robert's lifestyle, the mobsters travel all over trying to find them, and hijinks generally ensue. And musical numbers. LOTS and LOTS of musical numbers. Eventually Connie and Carla's well-meaning but blundering boyfriends conveniently find work with the mobsters who are looking for the pair, and the mobsters overhear the boys talking about their missing gals and a stray phone call from L.A. The mobsters send the boys to L.A. and have them followed. The boys see Connie and Carla on local TV and notify the mobsters. On the night that Ian Gomez opens his brand-new dinner theater with Connie and Carla as the opening number (complete with their hero Debbie Reynolds as a guest), the mobsters find Connie and Carla. Chaos leads to the mobsters getting caught eventually by the police thanks to the interference of the fellow drag queens and club owner Gomez. And Vardalos is able to reveal to Duchovny that she's actually a woman, making it okay for him to have been attracted to her.
Woof. Okay, a couple of things right off the bat. This is very much a gender-bent Some Like it Hot but with about 1/10th the charm. Also, this movie smashes you over the head with its theme, which unfortunately is one of the most over-used themes in American film: "Be yourself." I'm sick to death of American characters struggling to "be yourself" or learning "to thine own self be true" or whatever other way you want to put it. You know what? Be someone else! How about a movie that says, "Be someone you aren't because the person you are is an obnoxious, self-congratulatory jerk." I'm just done with that theme. At least as written by people like Nia Vardalos, who knows how to write a decent joke but naught else. Also, this movie is about an hour of story and 40+ minutes of a stage show. Which I guess is fine if you want to watch Nia Vardalos sing with Toni Collette. Personally, it made the movie feel like a ridiculous vanity project. An impression not aided at all by the fact that Connie is the romantic lead, the stronger of the two women, and pretty much the cat's pajamas. I'll be interested to see if Larry Crowne benefits at all from the fact that Vardalos is NOT playing the female lead of her own script.
And!!!! Like Kinky Boots before it, Connie & Carla focuses on the least interesting characters. You know who I wanted this movie to be about? Not Robert, though his relationship with brother Jeff would be more interesting and definitely worth developing. In fact, that relationship was the strongest and most compelling in the film. No, I want to see a movie about the Ian Gomez character. He doesn't play as flamboyantly gay as the drag queen characters, but clearly he must either BE gay or have some emotional attachment to a gay person if he continues to throw himself into his club the way he does. And Gomez underplays him perfectly. I've noticed this about him generally over the years. He's a really effective character actor.
So is there anything I did like about the movie? Yes. As mentioned, the relationship between Robert and Jeff (Duchovny) is played really well. It feels genuine. Where most comedies would have Jeff accept his brother with little effort, this movie makes Jeff uncomfortable with Robert's drag persona and lifestyle. He has to get used to it, which is not something you'd ordinarily see with this kind of film. It's kind of strange, really, that Vardalos made this relationship SO compelling. Did she not realize that it would be more compelling than the friendship between Connie and Carla? Or did she assume that she and Collette were just so fab that nothing could possibly take our attention away? In any case, I thought the slow acceptance on Jeff's part was done well. And Duchovny took that minor relationship development into a greater height by playing against his charm. He allowed it to be a flaw in the character.
I also thought the musical numbers were funny and a lot of fun. Or most of them, anyway. The first show we see Connie and Carla perform in an airport bar is pretty hilarious, especially the quick-change costumes. Assuming for the moment that Vardalos and Collette actually sang their parts (it would be a little silly otherwise), they have damn good voices. I don't know a lot about musical theater. I wish I knew more, but I don't. But what I've seen I've liked, and what I like is powerful voice. I definitely got that sense watching the musical numbers. (I also take weird perverse amusement in the fact that Princess Leia's mom looks in better shape than the Princess herself these days).
Still, overall I was enormously disappointed by this film. I enjoyed My Big, Fat Greek Wedding but even then felt like Vardalos was a bit overrated. This film confirms my suspicion. She's funny when she tries, but she writes her leads too perfect (in an empowered "imperfect" way) for me to not view her work as largely self-aggrandizing.
Here, as always, are the mid-movie thoughts:
- I wonder who modeled for the Spyglass Entertainment logo....
- Oof, child actors aren't always that great. Especially when you're forcing them to act like kids would never act.
- I hope they tell us where these characters got their passion for showtunes.
- These New York accents are Jon Stewart bad.
- The dialogue is kinda stage-y. It's fun, but not entirely buyable.
- Kinda awesome that the movie wastes NO TIME getting the girls in trouble. Though it's hard to imagine they can keep up this pace for just under 2 hours.
- Okay, regarding the line, "Come on Thelma." Once again, for those of you who want to be screenwriters, take a lesson from Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Never mention a great movie in your crappy movie." Not a prejudgment on this film, just a bit of wisdom. Don't invite comparisons as they can bias your audience.
- Easy joke at L.A.'s expense.
- Nice coke joke.
- Uh.... really? They got an apartment in West Hollywood with... what money? What credit?
- Nice! Greg Grunberg! Go Oceanic 815 pilot!!!! (Yes, more Lost. Deal with it.)
- The movie is just rocketing past all these complications... kinda TOO fast.
- hahaha... conveniently loud exposition being tossed around in this bar.
- Ian Gomez? Awesome!
- Uh, where's the piano player? Does the club HAVE a piano player? Wouldn't he give away the fact that they were singing live? Kinda doesn't make sense.
- Wouldn't they have to do some kind of check to *prevent* women from trying out?
- Connie and Carla really should have to dress like GUYS at some point.
- Oof, could Vardalos have written more cliche flamboyant gays?
- Ugh. So much referring to Debbie Reynolds. If she doesn't show up in a cameo I'll eat my non-existent hat.
- What the shit was that scene? Duchovny didn't talk at all? Why not?
- So... why did Robert bring Duchovny to Connie and Carla's place?
- Jesus Christ, why aren't their fellow drag queens suspicious??? Are they stupid?
- I also really dig that the Russian guy is getting into musicals now.
- hahaha... Duchovny looks at his watch. Yeah, buddy, I feel ya.
- Ugh. This whole "running into Duchovny" thing is awful.
- So Duchovny acts disgusted, like a homophobe, and we're supposed to still want Connie to get together with him?
- Wow, what a shitty coincidence that the boyfriends are working for the mobsters.
- Toni Collette has hilariously awesomely HUGE eyes.
- Who lives in Los Angeles and thinks that drag queens are freaks? Only the most insanely conservative people, and this styling white girl is very likely NOT a conservative.
- "We can't disappoint everyone!" and get shot? This is stupid.
- Ugh. And here it is, the obligatory Debbie Reynolds cameo. No hat-eating for me.
- Wow, this ending is awful. So forced.
- Wait, so Duchovny's attracted to what he thinks is a man in drag, then finds out is a woman, and his reaction isn't incredible confusion? And now it's okay that he almost puked when he thought she was a he? Bullshit, movie.
Did the movie fit the theme? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, it's all about women dressing as guys who dress as women. So sure, it fits. I only wish it had been about the GUYS WHO DRESS AS WOMEN.
I say unless you really like the leads (Vardalos, Collette, and/or Duchovny) and/or are really into gal-pal flicks featuring loads of showtunes, skip this one.
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